Gaps

The last two days have been long and exhausting for our family. With going back to my full time job on Tuesday and an extra visit to the clinic to get Lincoln's blood transfusion plus the talk of getting a Port surgically placed in his chest, is a lot to take in. I feel like there are gaps in my life where I have missed important things, like in that Adam Sandler movie "Click". To recap, he is a very busy man trying to support his family by working hard for a promotion and he is tired of the struggle so he finds a magical remote control to click the buttons of a better life for himself. It starts off good but then backfires and the controller sends him through fast forward and makes him miss most of his life.
On June 30th my wife Jenny and I went on a date for our 10th anniversary. We wanted to take a two hour break from the regular day in and day out and enjoy each other. The very next day we would find out how much we would need each other for the rest of our lives and the rest of our sons new life with cancer. It happened so fast and is still happening I can't keep up with what I have worked for so far and what I will now need to fight for to keep my son alive.

I am only human and I only have the capacity that I have gained thus far in my 34 years and I don't have room for cancer. But even after 10 years of marriage, two promotions to management, two beautiful children and the countless other blessings I have received, I will count it all as lost for the sake of my son and my family.

This journey will not slow down and there will be little time for rest but like a pair of aces at the poker table, I'm all in!

Everythig Changes

Today is a new and, one of a kind.

The Sun is Shining

This morning I was awakened by the sound of a small cry from across the room on the oversized chair. I had been sleeping on the couch since sometime in the middle of the night when Lincoln wanted to get out of his bed to be with me.  It was dark and I was tired so we went to the living room but he would not stay on the couch. He likes the big chair and he slept through the night once again on it.

Now the sun is up and as I crack the front door to sit outside and write, I can't help but soak in the early morning rays of warmth. Today the sun shines through the clouds of life and reminds me that through rain or storm it will always be shining. Lincoln has many days ahead on the road to recovery and some will be intense. Meds twice a day, extra on the weekend, clinic twice a week to draw blood and check counts and lumbar punctures once a month for a boost of treatment to protect his brain. He doesn't realize that his sister didn't have to go through this at his age but he is going through with it. The overcast we seem to have so much in Oregon doesn't compare to the treatments he has ahead but the sun is still shining and we wait patiently for those days. We may not have a great summer and this one will be short with the late spring weather but the sun will rise and another day with my son is all I need.

Give thanks to the lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
who made the great lights—
His love endures forever.
the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever. (Psalm 136

Speed Bumps

It's been quite a ride on this roller coaster this week.

A Deep Breath of Relief

As we close our eyes tonight and thank God for the life that we have, we remember all that has happened over the last 7 days. We went from not knowing if our child was going to live, to spending a quiet evening at home in the comfort of our home. Tonight we can breath easy know God is in control. Every ring of fire that we have passed through this week was one step closer to the safety of our own food and beds. Leaving the fears of the unknown behind, we will take this journey of surviving cancer with all seriousness. We will fight and we will win. The devastation of the diagnosis will turn into the hope for many days to come with our son. I will go to work tomorrow knowing God will sustain my little boys body since it cannot do so on it's own. You may imagine a child weak and suffering because his immune system is in shutdown mode, but God grants him plenty of energy as a boy should have. I look forward to coming home each day to hear him run to the door to tell me he missed me. Jenny's first day with the medications was pleasent. She crushes a pill and mixes it in chocolate syrup and put it into his mouth with a syringe. Twice a day is all. It's not always easy getting him to open his mouth, and brushing his teeth is a challenge too, but he is getting used to the thermometer under his arm. We still notice a few of the minor side effects but they are even mild at best. He is drinking as much as he used to and may be eating more already. One more day this week and then the weekend routine begins. A different medication for A couple of days and lots of time making Legos together. Taking a deep breath and off to bed.

I added this music video that is related to a relationship but says a lot when it comes to life changing events