Some nights it is just so hard to unwind from the day. There is so much that the days have to offer but so little time to experience all of it. I have notice for more than a month now, the TV has been turned off. No more news or reality TV contests. I somehow avoided all of American Idol this year and I have not regretted missing one minute. Working 11 hour days (on average) consumes a lot of energy both physically and mentally but the I get a second wind after 9pm and its another late night. In the summer Emma and Lincoln are awake after 9 and sometimes later, in fact for Lincoln it can be the best part of his day playing and running around the house. Tonight I just need to write a little to help my mind quite down so I am listening to Delirious? a band that many may not know too well but still as big as the Beatles to me. There are some things on my mind right now that I really wish I could share and some that I will, but they are not ready to be revealed. I was thinking back to the beginning of my blog in 2010 that started off very slow until a year later when Lincoln was DX with leukemia. I had a plan and a purpose but I didn't know that it would open the window for the world to look into my mostly public life. I share a lot of what I know and believe and hope for and I want others to see that and although I feel like the ant on the other side of the magnifying glass sometimes, I have hope in my life.
Right now all that I see going on in the world is an enormous lack of hope and nothing seems to be truly changing to keep hope alive. I have lived now, more than half of my life with faith in God, but I am still trying to figure out who he is and why it sometimes feels like he is letting this world spin out of control. I don't know why he lets children die from cancer, cf and many other things, but for some reason my faith will not die. When I look into the face of death, and I have seen a lot of it lately, more that most people could bear, I face it with hope that one day Death will be swallowed up and the hope that I hold onto will be satisfied. Right now there is only Hope, and I will fight with Faith, because Love is the ultimate goal. Better days are ahead especially for those who Believe.